My husband and I had a conversation with a couple who listened to our podcast, Marriage Unmastered, about a comment I made. I said I was a Baddie turned Mommy. I got to thinking about what I meant by this, what is my definition of a baddie? To me, a baddie is a woman who is confident, secure with her body, is fashionable, and, in my opinion, slays every time she leaves the house. When I made this statement, I was being funny, but unfortunately, it really came from a place of self-consciousness and insecurity. Although being a mother is the best part of me, it has changed my physical appearance in ways that I still haven’t gotten comfortable with or accepted.
I have struggled with my weight since before I had my children. However, it was a different kind of struggle. My stomach was not bulging like I was pregnant, and I could drop the weight with some minor change to my diet and doing some cardio. Now that I’ve had kids I have to starve myself and work out seven days a week to lose one pound. I’m not going to make excuses, but I will be honest, with my busy schedule I don’t want to do that. When I have to choose between 4-5 hours of sleep or 3 hours of sleep to squeeze in a workout, the workout loses.
The problem is, I really don’t feel comfortable in this skin and I need to figure out something because I hate the mirror, I hate shopping, I hate how my clothes fit, I hate this new body of mine, that I repeat, still looks pregnant. I remember the days when I could go into a store and shop without trying the clothes on and they’d fit. I wouldn’t dare do that now. Those were my baddie days. The days I could order something offline and fit like a glove, yup, not anymore, my baddie body is now a mommy body.
I’m sure there will be feedback from people saying that they are moms and are in great shape and lost all their weight right away, and although I respect that, that’s not my story. I worked out all last year and didn’t lose any weight. I wasn’t consistent with my diet but still was consistently working out with no results. This struggle is real. I’m to the point where I’m over it. I have tried everything. All I want now is to be comfortable in my skin and be happy with the way my clothes fit. I buy bigger clothes and don’t like how those fit either. I just want to be a size six again. I guess I will just have to starve myself and workout to exhaustion or get it through my head and accept the fact that I’m just a baddie, turned mommy. At least I have my beautiful children and they keep me busy enough to stay away from mirrors.