We are taking the kids to the Bronx Zoo. Let me tell you I might be more excited than the kids. I’ve never been to the Bronx Zoo before, I did some reading up on it and it’s apparently the biggest zoo in the United States. That’s pretty impressive. My kids have been talking it about it all week. Note to self, never tell kids that we are going somewhere this weekend, they totally ignore the weekend part and ask you about it every day. They have been singing about lions, and giraffes and today Jay said he really wants to see a Panda Bear. Now, I’m not sure if there are any Panda Bears there but there will definitely be some bears. I can’t wait to see their faces, it’s going to be a good day.
In preparation for this fun-filled family trip, we are about to take; I will be up all night finishing homework that’s due tomorrow and hopefully finishing my pages that I have to submit by the 8th. I do not want deadlines looming over my head while we’re there. That would put a damper on my mood, and I want to be totally present. I owe it to my kids, they already have to deal with work from home mommy all week, it won’t be fair if I bring that same energy to the zoo. I feel like a horrible mother on a daily basis. I am trying my best to be a good mom while balancing work, school, and writing. In that balance sometimes I have to decide that I will do my homework later. I can’t work all day then go straight into doing homework that’s not fair to them at all.
Being in school is a huge sacrifice, I’m constantly negotiating whether to do homework or take my kids to the park. I’m very blessed that I have the husband I do because he will take them out leaving me behind to work but that doesn’t make me feel good either because I want to be with them. The other day I had an assignment due and they were on the porch painting. They were having so much fun and looked so cute, I wanted to be a part of that with them, so I stopped working and went outside. Was it the right decision? Yes, it was. Did I have to stay up later to finish my homework? I did, but I will do it again. They are growing up so fast and I hate missing out on moments like that with them. I will just have to figure it out.
I’m constantly up against a deadline, that comes with the territory of getting this degree but no matter what, I’m a mom first and that will always be my top priority. Being a part of their milestones and participating in their painting projects brings me more joy and satisfaction than anything in life. Do I want to accomplish all the goals I’ve set? Of course, but it can’t be at the expense of my kid’s time. I’ve always been a friend of the night, now I will just have to become even more intimate with the night shift, so these deadlines don’t have an effect on my mommy time.