Being a writer is not about writing when you have this great story idea, it’s about writing when you don’t have a clue of what you’re going to write about. Tonight, I don’t have a clue. Tonight, I’m writing because I made a commitment, the fact is, I had a pretty mediocre day. I woke up at 6 am, got the kids up, fed, and dressed by 8 to logon for work. I worked until 4:30, had a pretty bad headache so I laid down and took a nap. Then, I woke up at 7 for dinner and Bible Study, now it’s 10 pm, time to get in the bed and tomorrow do it all over again.
Some days are like this. After I had my children, I was so busy with motherhood that my days seemed to run into each other. I was consumed with bottles, diapers, and milestones. This didn’t inspire me to write, so I didn’t. Months and months went by without me writing a thing and although I was excited to be a mom, I felt like I was losing a part of who I was. Journaling brought me back to life. I started these journals for my children where I would write letters to them about how they changed me or the milestones they hit. This is when I realized how much writing is a part of me. Everything I’ve ever done that I’m proud of started with something I wrote, (besides my children).
Making the decision to publish my journal online wasn’t easy. It took me a long time to get comfortable enough with this new person I’ve become to open up publicly. In my pursuit of success, I admit I did the, “fake it until you make it” thing for a long time. The images that I put on social media were carefully handcrafted, with not a lot of room for error. I worked hard to portray myself as ambitious and my life as exciting. Honestly, before the babies, it wasn’t much of an act, I was very busy and had many exciting experiences. Having children changed the way I moved and adjusting to that change took me on a journey of self-reflection, assessment, and discovery. I had to make a decision on how I was going to move forward with pursuing my career and balancing my family. The answer – total transparency.
I know that I say that often, but I mean it. Being transparent and honest about who I am, what I do, my everyday experiences has changed my life and stretched me as a writer. There are days like today when I didn’t have any groundbreaking revelations or any spectacular moments that inspired me, but I still put my hands on the keyboard and wrote anyway. This is me; this is my life and I have worked very hard to be ok with uneventful days. I honestly look forward to them, they are few and in between, and I will share these peaceful days with pride along with the hectic, chaotic, and over-the-top. I’m going to write anyway.